Posted in Express

Is true love real?

True love we see it everywhere movies, books , tv shows and the list goes on , yet is it real ? How can one human being be with the same person all their life how is this even possible ? We are constantly changing and maturing every year of our lives ?

We as humans , people , living everyday and experiencing a bunch of new things, milestones ! We are having children getting married changing jobs even careers , finding our life path ! Every time we achieve a milestone we change our perspective, every time we meet someone we change our thoughts our feelings . We are constantly changing and evolving into the people we want to be , we meet different people when we are in different places in our lives , people you probably won’t talk to in year when you have changed yet again ! 

If we are constantly changing then how can one person be with the same other person for the rest of their lives ? You can’t , when you met this person you were in this state in this mindset where both of you had common goals , similarities, once you start changing and learning and moving on from different things in life how can you be at the same place as the other since you are both two very different people ! So how are two people that were in synch stay in synch when life happens ? Maybe it’s because you haven’t met “the one” ! How do people do it , do you just declare forfeit and say hey this is what I get I’ll just stay like this all my life and pretend to be happy for ever ! I know I’m sounding like I’m the one who’s just really miserable , but in all honesty I do question these things ! How do you evolve with your partner at the same time and manage to have things in common for the rest of your life ? I use to admire people who were together for years now that I’m all grown up I don’t get it , how can you be so sure , what if I want to butterflies in my stomach everyday or even the feeling of missing someone so much it kills me not to see them ! I want to love that person the way I did the first time I saw them , unfortunately it just all goes away after a while and then things change and your relationship becomes boring you do the same thing on a daily basis ,you don’t talk anymore you don’t laugh like you use too, you don’t FEEL . 

This is why I reflect this way about love because it’s temporary for who you are now , until you find that person who makes you feel extraordinary every day of every minute of your existence,someone who wants to grow with you not apart from you ! Only  then , you will know what true love is ! 

Thoughts by Tiffany !

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Posted in Express

Diary of a pab entry 2 

So it’s been a couple of weeks since my last entry so much has happened . The life of a working mom with twins and a 6 year old isn’t easy I feel like I don’t stop like ever , the only reason why I have time today is because the twins are sick since last Wednesday and my oldest is at school , the house is some what decent and I can relax for a little bit .

So as you know I’m working on the Alzheimer’s floor which I actually love . People at my job don’t like working there because they find it difficult at times and yes it can be . It’s just a lot of repeating , patience and love that’s all they really need is love . Out of all the floors I’ve been on I’ve seen that it’s the place where patients get the most visit, where families actually give a shit ! The families are persistent in their visits even if their loved one disent always remember them and that’s what is sad about Alzheimer’s, forgetting. 

Working on that floor can be also very sad sometimes because people want to go home , they are not really there mentally , either they think their working or that they are staying in a hotel , sometimes their looking for their parents ( which aren’t part of the physical world anymore) sometimes they need to go pick up their kids ect. I feel like the worst part of it all is lying to them , but I kinda have to or else I will cause them confusion , frustration or a big melt down . One man was a pharmacist his whole life and he is constantly trying to go to work , I have to tell him that the pharmacy is closed for today it’s his day off and he will accept it but 10 minutes later he will come back and ask me  again . Another looses her room every 5 minutes and I tuck her in bed maybe 5 times every shift this is why it takes patience and dedication you can’t be an impatient person to do this and even if it’s the fifth time putting her in bed I’ll do it as nicely and calmly as I did the first time . What bothers me about this floor is the fact that they only have half of a wing and it’s locked and unless their families take them for walks outside of the floor they are always there and confined to that floor all day everyday . 
I’m seriously thinking of opening my own center but only for Alzheimer’s and dementia patients one big floor and a beautiful yard with flowers and swings were they can roam wherever they want safely . 
Tiffany Barba 

Posted in Express

Diary of a pab, entry 1 

So my maternity leave has ended and yes I am officially back to work , I’m happy to be back , I missed my job ! My first shift was on the Alzheimer’s floor I can say I was nervous, first of all not many want to work on that floor I don’t know why really because I like it I find it interesting I studied Alzheimer’s a lot in my license practical nurse program to have the knowledge to comprehend most of it . I chose not be a nurse after all because I prefer to give patients all my attention although being a nurse is caring and being there also I found that the job was less hands on then being a pab .yes I get to change soiled briefs and pick up puke and find a patient full of stool because they played in their underwear, but on the other hand I also get to comb their hair , feed them and listen to their stories of when they were young and that makes me happy! On my first shift this beautiful lady with her shinny white hair thought she was at her job and she wanned to hire me to help take care of people . She said that her husband and her had a company but he was out of town but soon he will be back and I can work for them . I replied that it would be my honor to work for them , man was she happy , after she went on to her business ( meaning walking up and down the hall ) . My next patient was a man who once was a pharmacist a very tall man I found him sleeping in different beds all night , he didn’t speak a word to me the whole time . Another lady was waiting for her sister all night until I had to let her know she wasn’t coming tonight and I proceeded to get her ready for bed . Then she was trying to remember what her sisters number was so I waited but she couldn’t remember and was getting angry at herself so I Had to change her mind so I told her to tell me about her sister while we were putting her pyjamas on and so she did and proceeded to fall asleep shortly after that . My shift went by pretty fast and I walked out of there feeling awesome and happy with myself . I still see every time I looked at one of my patients the face of my mom, my dad I can’t help but think that one day it might be them in that bed trying to remember or feeling scared because they don’t know where they are and I do hope I can be there for them when that time comes . Working in long term care makes you see that life’s isn’t something that should be taken lightly you should live every moment to the fullest and do what makes you happy because one day you can be that lost soul and life goes by so fast it’s important to know this and to be happy ! 

Posted in Express

End of my maternity leave

Oh this dreaded moment has come , I have been looking for solutions of how I can not go back to work but nothing really paid off. Let’s be honest I like a comfortable lifestyle and wouldn’t want it any other way , so I decided it was time to get back to work and help my household financially and so I can save up for a house, God knows I want my country house with a garden , a tree swing and a big yard! 

But I feel like I’m abandoning my kids , why ? Because steryotypes make me feel that way , society makes me feel that way and let’s not hide it the MONSTER in law made me feel that way ! I feel outraged because geez I’m only going to work for 4 days per week and yet, it, the monster in law made me feel like shit ! Why you may ask or wonder ? 

As I broke the news to IT she freaked out , she said and I quote ” how’s my son going to do it ? Hes going to finish work and be so tired and then hes going to have to take care of the kids! ” at that moment i’m thinking to myself how inconsiderent of her , how dare she only thinks of the well being of her son , listen ill’ be tired too genius ! She goes on saying things like I didnt work until the kids went to school and I had a home day care so I can be with them , my husband didnt have to make supper because I was home…… Bla-bla-bla !!! At this point im outraged and tell it hey were not in the 1940’s any more were in 2016 and youre son is not handicaped he will survive , hes not going to die hes just going to learn how to be the man of the house! It rants off about having to go help her son at MY house because it dosent make any sense ….. Shes a nut , I freakin dare it to come at my house and try to control everything as she thinks her way is the best way because thats how it feels about herself ! 

Now because of IT I feel judged because im going back to work when I shouldnt be feeling that way ! I work in a old folks home and that makes me nervous as Hell because I know that some roms will have different people in them some of my favorite patients will be gone to the  otherside and all thought its part of life I cant help but feel worried about what im going to find on my floor ! Circle of life right ? 

After all im excited because I will be getting out the house and having conversations with people who are older than 6 years old (haha) and I will be fufilling my need to help and listen to others needs and feelings and that makes me feel really good ! 
Tiffany Barba 

Posted in Uncategorized

The girl with the many hats!

Do you ever find yourself wondering what you should be doing or if your in the right place ? I do constantly and I admit that it’s driving me completely nuts! I’m the type of person that has a great idea almost every day , I have ambition , leadership all the qualities it takes to be entrepreneur. Guess what I don’t have ? Money !!!! How the hell are you suppose to create and make things happen if you don’t have the funds to do so ? I really don’t know , how do people do it ? We all have dreams right ? Yet they are different because then we would live in a world that would be very dull and never have new things around to try out! So I’ve been wanting to publish my book problem is who the hell do you choose ? I want to publish with hay house and if you want to do that then you need a publisher, if you want to self publish and want the whole package try having 15,000$ about ! Ok , let’s start a company , you need money for that also! I made a go fund me that didn’t work out very well haha I tried ! The point is our world is made with tons of possibilities and if you mange to have just enough money then your good to go ! I have many hats , I’m good at writing, entrepreneurship, I’m very selfless, smart, honest, silly , good with decorating you get it I wear many hats ! I envy people who just take the opportunity and run with it ! I guess im going to have to do the same and go all in , maybe ill just keep dreaming……its free ! 

The lady with the hat 

Tiffany Barba 

Posted in Express

Ebony girl

I saw you ebony girl, the day you were born and cried for the first time

I heard you ebony girl , the day you said your first word

I felt you ebony girl, the smoothness of your skin and beautiful locks

I watched you ebony girl, as you took your first step

I cried for you ebony girl, I cried because i knew how unfair the world was towards you

I admired you ebony girl, I admired the way you danced and had a smile that can shine through the darkest room

I heard them ebony girl, I heard them say you were going to be less than , i heard them tell you that you had the wrong skin color

I saw them ebony girl , I saw them judge you when you walked in a room

I envy you ebony girl, despite all the struggles I still see you as strong

I smiled at you ebony girl, I smiled because i knew you were kind and smart

I felt for you ebony girl , when you were treated as a criminal because of your skin color

I listened to you ebony girl , when you stood up for yourself

I stood up for you ebony girl, when you aged and needed a seat

I believed in you ebony girl, I believed you were going to make it in life

I the ivory person , I loved you for whom you were and are

I the ivory person ,knew your skin color didn’t change anything

I the ivory person,I  listened to your cry for change

I the ivory person, replied to stereotypes made about you

I the ivory person, lended you my hand when you were in need

I the ivory person , I did all the same things as you ,i cried , i walked ,i said my first word,i danced but i was given a better chance

we ebony and ivory , are battling against society

we ebony and ivory, we are going to speak the truth

we ebony and ivory, we are going to fight for you

we ebony and ivory, are the same WE are human , we are love, we are strength and we will fight for you to have your best chance as I have had from the first day I was born .

I saw you ebony girl, you are a lawyer, ebony girl you’re a doctor,you’re a scientist, a president , a mother,an educator

you ebony girl, you are me and I am you and we are the world.

 

“I have a dream that one day little black boys and girls will be holding hands with little white boys and girls.”
Martin Luther King Jr., I Have A Dream  http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/23924.Martin_Luther_King_Jr_ 

 

 

Adoption_74973c  written by Tiffany Barba

photo credit: http://www.thetimes.co.uk/

 

Posted in Express

Attention ,bras and money

 

 

I became a girl that thought she was the shit , literally , I think my ego could fill up a entire room . Being a girl is already very hard , imagine being a stripper and competing with others it’s all about the looks in a strip club not about your brain! I met one of my best friends in my first year of being a stripper , we have our fare share of stripper stories together. I moved in with her at some point she lived with her grandma , her grandma raised her , a very nice lady she is .  We use to work together from Monday to Saturday we didn’t work on Sunday’s ( laugh) it’s actually a rule sort of for most strippers you don’t work on gods day. I was still with my boyfriend but he had went back to his moms house and I was at my friends house. Me and her we were like partners in crime and every night we would stay up till five am to go have breakfast together and then sleep because we were exhausted . Even though it’s not so glamorous to be a stripper and it’s not something much people talk about I don’t regret a day because it made me learn things and see the world in a different perspective. One time in a strip club I got in a fight with a girl ( another stripper) I think she was maybe 30 years old not sure, I called her a crack head and she got mad because she was a crack user big time. That night after the club she was waiting for me outside with scissors ,she wanned to stab me  my friend had a knife and I kept telling her give it to me, but she wouldn’t she said nothing is going to happen , well when we walked outside she was waiting with the scissors.

 

tiffany barba

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A trip down memory lane 

Just a couple days ago you were non-existent in my brain, you once were but you have been absent for 3 years now. I dont know why but i feel sad , I for the first time mourned our break up . I felt It hard , the thought of that baby angel that we didn’t get to meet haunted  me too . Three years have past , i still remember being scared to be a mom so soon , i pushed you away as if you were nothing. I loved you very much and you were everything to me, you made me laugh and took care of me as if i was the most precious thing on earth. I hurt you bad , last year you reached out , your girlfriend had left you , you said you were nothing without me . I listened to what you had to say but i was with someone new so It didn’t affect me more than that. I feel like am cheating because these past days I think about you alot, I feel like I need to reach out and say sorry for the pain ive caused. Your engaged and so am I , I love him very much , but your on my mind . I see the video of what we had and shared, and It makes me all messed up inside. I have been feeling alone in my relationship lately maybe thats what It is, I dont know . Nostalgia has been my biggest weekness in life, and It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t help but feel terrible and again im sorry .