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like a freshly planted seed I learn to grow in my enviroment, as a sprout I grow in my world amongs the others, as a child i learn to play, count ,respect love and care for others, as I grow and flower I am beautiful so beautiful, I find love, love like the sun feeds me , my baby sprouts will grow strong and happy i am so devoted to them , as time goes by my sprouts have flowered like me , my leaves arent as pretty and fresh as they used to be but their hanging on , here comes a storm my children made it threw but one of my leaves fell off ,i am weak ,I find myself laying in this bed where people come in and out , I feel exposed , alone,broken,dry,cold is this all their is ,  is this the end, I pray god they be nice to me please don’t hurt me please respect my dignity, my privacy, my children are too busy for me, my love my dear love i will meet you soon my leaves are falling one by one I am weak I am delicat , time is going by so fast , this is not what I wanned for my life , I grew, I shined and like a flower without anymore leaves I died , I am in peace no more worries, I am happy beautiful shinning , dear children,  dear health workers , hopefully you were kind I was just like a dusty old book that no one would dare touch but if you opened to the first page you would of seen am amazing so much storys to tell , so much to share, I am somebody i am important, I loved, I laughed, I cried now am resting up in the sky I love it here …….. I am a fresh new seed and this is my life ❤
wrote this on my first stage a big eye opener for you health workers out there !!!

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The girl with the many hats!

Do you ever find yourself wondering what you should be doing or if your in the right place ? I do constantly and I admit that it’s driving me completely nuts! I’m the type of person that has a great idea almost every day , I have ambition , leadership all the qualities it takes to be entrepreneur. Guess what I don’t have ? Money !!!! How the hell are you suppose to create and make things happen if you don’t have the funds to do so ? I really don’t know , how do people do it ? We all have dreams right ? Yet they are different because then we would live in a world that would be very dull and never have new things around to try out! So I’ve been wanting to publish my book problem is who the hell do you choose ? I want to publish with hay house and if you want to do that then you need a publisher, if you want to self publish and want the whole package try having 15,000$ about ! Ok , let’s start a company , you need money for that also! I made a go fund me that didn’t work out very well haha I tried ! The point is our world is made with tons of possibilities and if you mange to have just enough money then your good to go ! I have many hats , I’m good at writing, entrepreneurship, I’m very selfless, smart, honest, silly , good with decorating you get it I wear many hats ! I envy people who just take the opportunity and run with it ! I guess im going to have to do the same and go all in , maybe ill just keep dreaming……its free ! 

The lady with the hat 

Tiffany Barba 

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A trip down memory lane 

Just a couple days ago you were non-existent in my brain, you once were but you have been absent for 3 years now. I dont know why but i feel sad , I for the first time mourned our break up . I felt It hard , the thought of that baby angel that we didn’t get to meet haunted  me too . Three years have past , i still remember being scared to be a mom so soon , i pushed you away as if you were nothing. I loved you very much and you were everything to me, you made me laugh and took care of me as if i was the most precious thing on earth. I hurt you bad , last year you reached out , your girlfriend had left you , you said you were nothing without me . I listened to what you had to say but i was with someone new so It didn’t affect me more than that. I feel like am cheating because these past days I think about you alot, I feel like I need to reach out and say sorry for the pain ive caused. Your engaged and so am I , I love him very much , but your on my mind . I see the video of what we had and shared, and It makes me all messed up inside. I have been feeling alone in my relationship lately maybe thats what It is, I dont know . Nostalgia has been my biggest weekness in life, and It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t help but feel terrible and again im sorry .

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Why having a baby in 2016 is so annoying 

When we are pregnant we are told what to do what not to do, we get so much doctor appointments that once we give birth we are tired of them ( well I was ) .

When I was pregnant I loved to read and get all the info my brain can handle .i also loved to go on mommy Facebook pages and read what moms thought about certain things , I like to see different opinions ( even if I am very opinionated myself) even if I think the person is being totally mental in her head . In 2016 people are insane , you should basically live in a bubble when your pregnant and that bubble would need it’s air filtered so your unborn baby doesn’t breath toxins or whatever . Now don’t get me wrong am not saying pregnant women should go to the disco and party their life away drink 3 pitchers of beer and fall asleep on a parc bench ( side note i already did , but i was not pregnant and i was 18 ) haha . Now that being said my great grandmother had 3 kids and all three pregnancies she would walk 2 hours to get wood and then bring all the Wood she cut back home on her back . Back then thats what women did , imagine doing that with an infant ! Now days you shouldn’t do much , you should be calm and do the strict minimum. Unless you are having a difficult pregnancy you should walk and move , the world doesn’t stop turning because you’re pregnant.

Social media is good but not good , just last week I saw A girl post that if women don’t breastfeed their babies , they shouldn’t have any . Really?!? So if I can’t breastfeed or simply choose not too I don’t deserve to have a baby , that doesn’t make anybody a bad mother and it’s not child neglect either . Breast is best yes but if that’s something you can’t do or don’t want to do that is ok also . These type of women I like to call them ; breastfeeding natzis , you simply don’t want to bother with these people . 

Every year the rules of taking care of a baby change , now the big thing is baby powder . Now you should not use it your baby might get asthma . Can I say when you put baby powder you shouldn’t be putting it on the baby’s head, ok ! Haha! No really baby powder has been used for years and you should be putting little amounts without it going everywhere , you can even put the powder in the diaper or even lay baby on the tummy and put a little powder, common sense! 

Bumper pads no more ? Really im i the only one that is scared that baby gets his arms stuck between those bars and or hits his head on it ? I dont think so , i have bumper pads for my twins and their not coming down. 

Swaddle baby safe ?!? According to an article i read when swaddling baby you shouldnt put their feet in just their arms. 

I think people are going over the top with all these rules its insane , another reason why i loved my doctor shes down to earth and not psycho ! 
Do you have any weird or funny things people told you when you were pregnant ? 

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In our generation ,today ,we find ourselves all puzzled. I mean am 24 still sitting here like what am i going to do with my Life , what’s my purpose here on earth ?!? 

Who am i , what should i do , what needs to be done , are all questions i ask myself way too much . I know who i am,i love to laugh,write,help people, meet new people , learn new things, but if i try to go deep inside i don’t know what am suppose to be doing as a career or even what makes me filled with fufillment. You know that saying “do what you love and you will never work a day in your life ”  well i like shopping and day dreaming does that count ?  I am not a lazy person ive had a job since i was 15 , i worked At subways , quiznos, McDonalds,barmaid …. You get the idea ive tried many jobs ! Now i am working at an old folks home , i love my job very much , maybe to much ! See the problem is thats not something i want to do for the rest of my life maybe part time but not forever . 

Society pressures us so much to start making money get a job and pay your taxes , dreams go out the door . Theirs a band called twenty one pilots, what they  sing about makes so much sense just listen to the song “stressed out ” it says it all . So why give up our dreams to be able to fit in ? Isn’t dreaming vital, if i couldn’t dream i would be depressed i wouldn’t have nothing to keep moving forward in life . Dreams feed our souls, yet we are pressured to go to school do this do that , in the end no one is really happy or fufilled inside. Your 20’s should be excitement, crazy ideas ,   experiencing new things , live the dream , be happy , fall in love , not questionning ourselves everyday and what we are suppose to do .

Dream big . Love alot . Live  like tommorow won’t come. Make everyday your best day !  

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New year new me BS 

Happy new year, so now its Time for you all the make the resolutions that you Will probably break or give up on or just Forget that you made them ( i wanned to lose 15 pounds hmm hmm i got pregnant … With Twins ) that didn’t turn out to great ! Lol 

Seriously though you might want to stop smoking or go to the gym try that new organic grocery store ( wich might cost a little bit more money but the quality is way better) maybe you want to be financially secure fix your relationship or just finish 2015 single . But honestly why do we wait for the new year every year to change or to improve our daily lives? Why don’t you just quit your shitty job ? Leave your shitty relationship, take a risk, go on a road trip , change your Life everyday of the year, you are in control . Half of people that make new year resolutions don’t even stick up to them , why if you ask me , its because we set these goals only once and then just do it for a couple of weeks and get tired of them . 

Therefore I think we should set goals every month and then try  to improve them until we reach or maximum and that we are satisfied with our results . So yes to my opinion New Years resolutions are bs , just make everyday your best day ! 

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Pulmonary embolisms

pulmonary embolisms can occur almost anytime , how do i know ? 

December 21 2014 , i am 23 healthy Young mom of a 5 year old ,i work as a care taker in a old folks home .

One week before my diagnosis i got really sick from food poisoning (thanks kentucky) and was sick all night ,my ribs were killing me as though i had a cracked rib. The pain was sharp ,i couldn't sleep comfortably ,breath to hard i couldn't even do anything straining. Before i continue i should say i am really though on my body you wouldn't catch me at the clinic for minor stuff. On december 19 ,i went to go see my family doctor , she made me go take x-rays of my ribs for precautions ,i went the same day . The next morning at 7:30 am hospital calls and says i have to go the emergency right away ! Why ?  Miss we think you have pulmonary embolism , the fact that i studied to be a lpn really helped me  that early morning,i knew exactly what they were talking about ,blood clots in the lungs. So i rushed to the emergency where i waited 6 hours just to see the dr, hello quebec health care system.When it was finally my turn i walked in the room to the troubled face of the doctor, he went and said this is really serious you can die, his first words ,awesome am 23 years old my life hasn't started yet and now i might die !Then he asked if i took birth control wich i did , he said to stop taking them asap ,then proceeded by giving a injection to thin out my blood for the night , i had to go back the next morning to do nuclear testing . So the next morning i went back again did the test and waited 2 hours to see the specialist , misses b you have blood clots in both lungs , wow! At this point am freaking out, my aunt who came along with me started crying , so  they think its due to the birth control pill to much hormones in my body no more advil and if i were to get pregnant i will need to get injected to lower my hormone levels . Merry christmas to me , lets get to the meds 260$ for my  meds 2 bottles of blood thinners and a pump to help me breath , thank god i have insurance , i cant imagine people who dont ,its expensive and its christmas and your life depends on these little red pills. I havent  worked in 3 months , i went to go see the specialist last week blood clots all gone . I am relieved , but they can come back anytime wich scares the living crap out of me . It was quite a journey for me but am still here writing to you guys ! 

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Hello world!

Hi my name is Tiffany , am reallly excited to blog with all of you ,am 23 years old mother of one little princess, I come from a crazy dysfunctional family that i love very much. I have alot of knowledge and love to share my experiences with people , am looking foward to blogging with all of you !