Anti-bullying day! 

So last Wednesday half of the world put on a pink shirt to spread awareness against bullying I participated since it is something very dear to my heart ! As a young girl I was bullied in elementary school all the way threw high school ! I even had my daughter participate because I feel that it’s important to teach children and make them aware of this problem that is so very frequent everywhere, even as a adult you can get bullied ! Did you participate in the #pinkshirtpromise movement ? Here’s our picture ⬇️ 

Tiffany Barba 

I’m back 

Becoming a mother is one of the most beautiful experiences you can have. I mean that’s what we see everyday on social media and that’s what they make you believe , but only a few of us moms can actually say how it really is ! Now don’t get me wrong when saying this my children are my pride and joy but during the process I lost myself a little bit ! 

Before I had the twins I had everything under control my image, my brain even my hygiene ! I was comfortable in my own skin my mental health was remarkably “sane” everything was fine ! Then they showed up I remember the first time I got to meet them it was the most beautiful day of my life just like when I met my daughter for the first time ! I had everything under control the house was clean , the bills were paid dinner was made , I was A-okay! What happened after 3 months was I lost complete control of everything although this is embarrassing I had stopped taking care of me , I could spend sometimes 4 days without showering , I didn’t feel like cleaning the house , I didn’t feel like taking care of myself I lived to take care of the babies and my daughter . I felt like I lost my fucking mind literally, I felt alone and in prison in my body , my mind and my self image. This lasted over a year , I could go to the grocery store and feel perfectly fine and then just out of the blue I felt like breaking down , tears in my eyes just wanting to burst out at any given moment . When that happened I would rush to the cash and get out as fast as I can , I’m a very social person and I always smile at people but I had developed a fear of being in public . It got worst when driving my daughter to school I would look at the other moms who had it all figured out and I was the one who was always running around like a chicken with no head ! Even my relationship was going down the drain I was exhausted emotionally, physically, I didn’t feel like doing anything. I know what your thinking “post-partum depression” who was am I kidding of course it was . I thought going back to work would make me feel better but no I felt out of place , and working in the health field taking care of the elderly and not being able to take care of them like I wanned killed it for me , so I quit ! I changed jobs I started working for schools which is a breath of fresh air but the female dynamic is terrible ! Working with women is and can be emotionally and psychologically draining , they are mean ( some of them) actually most of them and always competing with one in other . Unfortunately I let that affect me little too much I spent a lot of nights not sleeping well and I was stressed of going to work the next day . See I was bullied from elementary all threw high school and I promised myself that never again I would allow someone to bring me down , I would fight back but in a work environment you have to keep your mouth shut in order to keep your job right ? 

Well this was my wake up call this morning I woke up and I decided it was enough ! I am going to be ME again the amazing mom, the strong woman that I am , the responsible adult , the go getter that I always was and I’m going to take care of me because I am important ! From now on I’m going to treat people the same way they treat me no more nice girl I refuse to go down that road again and I refuse to have the minimum given to me I will not have it ! I’m done feeling sorry for myself , I’m done not taking care of myself , I’m going to be the same kind giving soul that I am but with people who deserve my kindness ! Thanks for reading I will keep you posted ! 
Tiffany Barba 

Hygge 

Hygge is the new “in thing ” in 2017, yet it’s been around for years and people have been practicing it for like EVER and that’s why they are part of the happiest countries in the world ! Can you guess what country I’m talking about ? Denmark! The word hygge is originated by a Norwegian word that means ” well-being” ! 

What is hygge about and why are people talking about it so much ! Hygge is about finding happiness /coziness in the little things you like to do example : sitting by a fire with a bunch of friends or having a dinner with your family . You can’t do those things without lighting a candle see people who practise hygge associate it with lighting , and for that you need the perfect lighting! It’s about creating soothing pool of lights to create the perfect hygge environment , you can buy different small lamps or candles and make the room feel alive . What can you associate hygge with ; parties, candles , fire place , dinner with friends , booze , spa day , book ect Did I say desserts ?!? Yes , money can’t buy happiness but it can buy you a lot of sweets ! Hygge is about feeling cozy , happy , decorate your home feel the hygge , make It so that when you open the door after a long day your happy to be home ! 

By researching online I found a lot of information about hygging and how to do it correctly ! I also bought myself a beautiful book about it where you can find scientifical facts about hygge , recipes and so much more ! You can buy the book here if ever you want to read it ;

https://www.amazon.ca/Little-Book-Hygge-Danish-Penguin-ebook/dp/B01EXVIW06 

Hope you liked my mini article about hygge , get your Hygge on ! 

Tiffany barba 

This morning I’m at the hospital god I love coming here ( sarcasm ) !  See I have a small cancer in my lady parts so I’m here to do a biopsy , again !

First of all, that shit is painful as f*** even if the specialist says it doesn’t hurt , she probably read that in the books because totally not true ! They cut a piece of you with a scalpel so you think it wouldn’t hurt at all right ( hahaha) . My appointment was at 9:40 am I arrived 5 minutes late , the secretary makes a funny face because I know she saw that I was late and says to me thankfully you’re not that late the doctor only accepts 15 minutes or else you have to reschedule. Well, I replied to the secretary with a beautiful smirk on my face: that’s funny because you have to wait 45 minutes in her office just to see her ! Her face was priceless, and I thought I was hilarious ( as always ) . Now it’s 10:17 still waiting , can you imagine I know theirs a lot of notes to take and follow ups and stuff when you’re a doctor but it’s always so freakin long . At least it gives me time to write about it , stres about it …. All you can read on the walls is about cancer you know that famous C word no one likes , ya well it’s everywhere ! Way to go for a stress free zone , but I get it we need to be aware of C words and all but I can’t help being stressed about it especially that I have it ! 10:22 still no doctor , maybe I should make her wait since she’s more than 15 minutes late !  So I’m having a beautiful conversation here with my phone , exciting , I’ve thought about the fact that I was hungry like 3 times , then checked Facebook , then stared at the creepy posters of the C word now wondering what’s this lady doing , it’s 10:30 now btw ! I’ve been here for 40 freaking minutes , I feel like I’m torturing myself because I’m waiting for a pain examination. So I’ve been waiting for 40 minutes for pain ! Every time she’s late I feel like giving her shit but I don’t cause I have respect ( unfortunately) ! I’m missing a day at work for this , she clearly isn’t !! This is Quebec’s health care system for you , a couple of pictures for you ! I snap chatted , its now 10:45 folks where’s the doctor , I would have time to die 4 times and be reanimated and still be waiting ! It’s now 11:13 im in my car , going home ! P.s: I cried like a baby shit this hurts ! 

    

Tiffany barba

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Life 

like a freshly planted seed I learn to grow in my enviroment, as a sprout I grow in my world amongs the others, as a child i learn to play, count ,respect love and care for others, as I grow and flower I am beautiful so beautiful, I find love, love like the sun feeds me , my baby sprouts will grow strong and happy i am so devoted to them , as time goes by my sprouts have flowered like me , my leaves arent as pretty and fresh as they used to be but their hanging on , here comes a storm my children made it threw but one of my leaves fell off ,i am weak ,I find myself laying in this bed where people come in and out , I feel exposed , alone,broken,dry,cold is this all their is ,  is this the end, I pray god they be nice to me please don’t hurt me please respect my dignity, my privacy, my children are too busy for me, my love my dear love i will meet you soon my leaves are falling one by one I am weak I am delicat , time is going by so fast , this is not what I wanned for my life , I grew, I shined and like a flower without anymore leaves I died , I am in peace no more worries, I am happy beautiful shinning , dear children,  dear health workers , hopefully you were kind I was just like a dusty old book that no one would dare touch but if you opened to the first page you would of seen am amazing so much storys to tell , so much to share, I am somebody i am important, I loved, I laughed, I cried now am resting up in the sky I love it here …….. I am a fresh new seed and this is my life ❤
wrote this on my first stage a big eye opener for you health workers out there !!!

2017 ….. 

A new year has started it’s time to be optimistic that things will be great . I usually don’t believe in resolutions because it’s a well known fact that we only make a couple of them happen.

This year , I would love to stop smoking cigarettes , oh gosh do I stink ! I would also love to have more money coming in so I’m going to get a second job ! Just like many of us I have debts unfortunately, therefor I want to learn to manage my money better ! Since the arrival of the twins and my hubby not working for a whole winter we’ve have had a hard time going back up the hill financially. As I’m writing to you I don’t even have a phone line because it’s been cut off for the millionth time ! I work for the school board since October and since they upgraded my position I haven’t had a pay in a month . I have always been in the denial about my financial situation because I can’t come to terms with it . I’m a very optimistic person so I know better days are ahead , but no one knows when , not even me ! At least we have food a roof and clothes and so much love to give . The funny thing is I’m struggling yet I can’t stop myself from helping others , I’ve bought food for a homeless man when I didn’t even have a lot for myself . I have a whole 5 dollar bill to the Salvation Army donation box and to a food bank society because they had helped me in the past and I thought it was my turn to give . I call those karma points every time you do something good for someone you get a point in your karma bank and maybe one day your karma bank will pay back . See some people are happy with just the minimum but I know I can’t I don’t want to give my children less than I had because that wouldn’t make sense to me . Just to clarify I’m not talking about materialistic things because we all know that material isn’t everything ! All that being said , I need to find a second job until I pay everything off , I need to feed my body three meals a day which I don’t . I’m use to not eating because of my past , when I was sixteen I was all by myself in Montreal and I didn’t have money for food so I would eat once a day and that was when I went to work ( I worked at McDonald’s) so if I didn’t work I didn’t eat but I worked 6 days a week so it was ok ! My body is used to that so I don’t really get hungry that much . Anyways , enough about all this sad stuff and let’s move on with the new .

So to finish my resolutions are being more good to my body , financial stability and stop smoking I have three and I think I should be able to follow these !

Happy New Years to all may you have greatness and happiness in your life !
Tiffany barba

Is true love real?

True love we see it everywhere movies, books , tv shows and the list goes on , yet is it real ? How can one human being be with the same person all their life how is this even possible ? We are constantly changing and maturing every year of our lives ?

We as humans , people , living everyday and experiencing a bunch of new things, milestones ! We are having children getting married changing jobs even careers , finding our life path ! Every time we achieve a milestone we change our perspective, every time we meet someone we change our thoughts our feelings . We are constantly changing and evolving into the people we want to be , we meet different people when we are in different places in our lives , people you probably won’t talk to in year when you have changed yet again ! 

If we are constantly changing then how can one person be with the same other person for the rest of their lives ? You can’t , when you met this person you were in this state in this mindset where both of you had common goals , similarities, once you start changing and learning and moving on from different things in life how can you be at the same place as the other since you are both two very different people ! So how are two people that were in synch stay in synch when life happens ? Maybe it’s because you haven’t met “the one” ! How do people do it , do you just declare forfeit and say hey this is what I get I’ll just stay like this all my life and pretend to be happy for ever ! I know I’m sounding like I’m the one who’s just really miserable , but in all honesty I do question these things ! How do you evolve with your partner at the same time and manage to have things in common for the rest of your life ? I use to admire people who were together for years now that I’m all grown up I don’t get it , how can you be so sure , what if I want to butterflies in my stomach everyday or even the feeling of missing someone so much it kills me not to see them ! I want to love that person the way I did the first time I saw them , unfortunately it just all goes away after a while and then things change and your relationship becomes boring you do the same thing on a daily basis ,you don’t talk anymore you don’t laugh like you use too, you don’t FEEL . 

This is why I reflect this way about love because it’s temporary for who you are now , until you find that person who makes you feel extraordinary every day of every minute of your existence,someone who wants to grow with you not apart from you ! Only  then , you will know what true love is ! 

Thoughts by Tiffany !

Diary of a pab entry 2 

So it’s been a couple of weeks since my last entry so much has happened . The life of a working mom with twins and a 6 year old isn’t easy I feel like I don’t stop like ever , the only reason why I have time today is because the twins are sick since last Wednesday and my oldest is at school , the house is some what decent and I can relax for a little bit .

So as you know I’m working on the Alzheimer’s floor which I actually love . People at my job don’t like working there because they find it difficult at times and yes it can be . It’s just a lot of repeating , patience and love that’s all they really need is love . Out of all the floors I’ve been on I’ve seen that it’s the place where patients get the most visit, where families actually give a shit ! The families are persistent in their visits even if their loved one disent always remember them and that’s what is sad about Alzheimer’s, forgetting. 

Working on that floor can be also very sad sometimes because people want to go home , they are not really there mentally , either they think their working or that they are staying in a hotel , sometimes their looking for their parents ( which aren’t part of the physical world anymore) sometimes they need to go pick up their kids ect. I feel like the worst part of it all is lying to them , but I kinda have to or else I will cause them confusion , frustration or a big melt down . One man was a pharmacist his whole life and he is constantly trying to go to work , I have to tell him that the pharmacy is closed for today it’s his day off and he will accept it but 10 minutes later he will come back and ask me  again . Another looses her room every 5 minutes and I tuck her in bed maybe 5 times every shift this is why it takes patience and dedication you can’t be an impatient person to do this and even if it’s the fifth time putting her in bed I’ll do it as nicely and calmly as I did the first time . What bothers me about this floor is the fact that they only have half of a wing and it’s locked and unless their families take them for walks outside of the floor they are always there and confined to that floor all day everyday . 
I’m seriously thinking of opening my own center but only for Alzheimer’s and dementia patients one big floor and a beautiful yard with flowers and swings were they can roam wherever they want safely . 
Tiffany Barba